Need a Nanny?

I am looking for a job, and am coming to realize that I'm not terribly inclined to return immediately to the commercial scenery business. I would do it for some money, but I'm not begging anyone to give me a job doing what I did before. As I consider what I am qualified to do, I have decided to start writing a series of blog posts describing my qualifications for various sorts of jobs, looking for feedback, leads, and just putting it out there to remind myself that I'm not totally useless (even if I am unemployed and rapidly draining my savings).

First in an occasional series

Here are my qualifications to tend to your children on an on-going basis:

• 15 years babysitting experience (Red Cross Certified Babysitter at age 10/grade 5)
• I love babies
• I enjoy elementary age children
• I am amused by toddlers and pre-schoolers
• I understand pre-teens, even if I totally understand why we put them all in a place called middle school to wait out early puberty
• I will confidently mentor your teens through the rocky years of high school
  
• I can help with homework at any school level
• I will encourage reading and discourage television dependency
  
• I am fluent in my native language, English
• Legal to work in the United States (so you can run for political office someday!)
• Your parenting philosophies will be my parenting philosophies, and if you are new to it (first baby) and still unsure, we will work together to raise a happy, healthy, resilient child
• I am a trained Red Cross lifeguard, having completed the full training and testing twice (high school and college), so you can feel confident sending me to the pool, lake or seaside with your children
• I like animals and can deal with pets
  
• I have experience caring for children with special needs including diabetes, asthma, Down's Syndrome, mental and physical retardation, high-functioning autism, and other special situations.
• I also excel at caring for happy, well-adjusted, pleasant children!
• I understand that I am bigger and in-charge. It is unlikely that your children will wear me down to give in to their demands to eat sprinkles for dinner, color on the walls with the new crayons or let them watch cartoons when its supposed to be bedtime. In fact, none of those things have ever happened when I've been left with children in my care.
  
• I am a good driver, having had my license continuously for 9 years
• I have a valid passport and would be happy to accompany you on family vacations
  
• I can do laundry, dishes and generally keep the house tidy
• I'm not a big fan of juice for children (as it is essentially liquid sugar), but I will feed them whatever diet you would like.

As everyone has some faults, negatives or downsides, here are some qualifications to the above:

• I cannot handle more than 4 children at a time on my own. I have learned that a family with four children is my upper limit.
• I cook well enough to feed kids and myself, but am not exactly a gourmet. However, I learn quickly if mentored in this department. I'll try to fix whatever your children want to eat.
• I have very little experience driving boats.
• I suck at sports. I will try, but you've been warned.